Guilt
by Kiki1770
Summary: Arthur finds out that Merlin has snuck off in the middle of the night and with his Knights in tow, he sets off to drag his manservant's butt back to Camelot unaware of the secrets he was about to stumble onto. Merlin/Freya (One-shot).


**A/N: I wrote this almost a year ago, and I forgot entirely that I had written it before. There are a lot of Arthur following Merlin and Merlin following Arthur and finding out some great secret stories in this Fandom, this is my own stab at the Arthur follows and Merlin and finds out about Freya story. Enjoy!**

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**Guilt **

A sharp rapt on the door shook Arthur awake – he did NOT fall asleep on his dinner again! – Arthur groaned softly, rolling his head side to side and wincing at the painful _crack_ that followed. "Enter," He said gruffly, rubbing his crusted eyes. It was Sir Leon, followed by Sir Percival and Gwaine. Their guarded expressions almost immediately set off warning bells in the King's mind. Arthur braced himself for the worst.

"What is it?" he asked with blunt caution. He was in no mood for pleasantries, it was late and he had _nearly_ fallen asleep on his dinner.

"Sire it's a bit…awkward." Sir Leon began, obviously the anonymously selected spokesperson for the Knights of the Round Table, because really, Leon was the only one who could speak to Arthur when he was being particularly _prattish_ and not have his feathers ruffled. Now if Gwaine were to start talking….

"Well get on with it then." Arthur snapped moodily. Percival and Leon exchanged troubled expression, Gwaine was twitching impatiently.

"Well…umm…t-the citadel is under lock down because of those thefts in the lower town, right Sire?" Percival, much to Arthur's astonishment, actually spoke.

"Yes, what of it?"

"Well….we saw Me-someone sneaking out." Leon sputtered inelegantly; the grizzly faced knight seemed puzzled by his own choice of words. Arthur immediately sprang out of his seat, his sword at his hip in matter of seconds.

"Hold your blades princess. It wasn't the thief!" Gwaine exclaimed exasperatedly. "We know who our little curfew breaker is."

"Then why are we still standing here?" Arthur frowned.

"It was….it was Merlin sire." Leon finally answered. Arthur felt his heart plunge momentarily. Why in the name of his ancestors did he get stuck with the most _idiotic_ manservant to walk this earth? Arthur shook his head and began rubbing his temples, a string of curses discretely muttered under his breath. One of these days he was seriously going to throw Merlin in the stocks and be the _first _in line with spoiled produce.

"Prepare the horses. We need to go after that idiot." Arthur sighed. All joking aside, Arthur knew Merlin wasn't stupid enough to go sneaking around during a lockdown. Merlin was lucky to have been caught by the Knights of the Round Table or else half the city would have been awoken to the shrill cry of the alarm bells. What could possibly compel Merlin to so utterly disregard the curfew?

"We knew you'd say that, Elyan's already got the horses prepared." Gwaine grinned knowingly. Arthur rolled his eyes and left his chambers without a reply, his knights following him out.

Arthur knew he shouldn't feel excited about the prospect of exposing his servant's nightly endeavors, but really, considering how many times Merlin had followed him out of Camelot when Arthur _explicitly_ told him not to (i.e. Anhora and the unicorn curse, the quest to the Perilous Lands where Merlin not only followed him but he brought Gwaine. Then there was that time when Elyan was possessed,) this was totally justified revenge!

Elyan said nothing as he silently handed Arthur his girth, but even in the blackness of the night, Elyan's amused grin was hard to miss. Arthur clicked his tongue and prompted the gentle beast to follow Leon and Percival –the only two who actually saw Merlin leave.

It was surprisingly difficult to track Merlin. His manservant had the advantage of knowing his destination while the knights only had his trail to follow. Merlin also had the cover of the night, making it more difficult to spot his prints. The forest was deadly silent, save for the chirping of crickets and the squawking of troublesome ravens. Arthur never liked ravens; they reminded him too much of another annoying servant named Cedric…well before he was possessed by Sigan…or maybe after. Funny how they defeated him, Arthur certainly couldn't recall doing anything. But he brushed the thought off as another one of those bizarre-living-in-Camelot-it's-probably-Merlin's-fault-anyway things.

Though Merlin was on foot and the Arthur was on his horse, his manservant had a head start on them, and it wasn't until Merlin's tracks became painfully visible that Arthur signaled for his men to get off and muzzle the horses. They stuck to the shadows cast by the iridescent white moon and were careful not step on too many crunchy branches. The trees slowly dispersed and revealed a clearing.

Only it wasn't a clearing, it was a lake. It was, without a doubt, the most spectacular lake Arthur had ever seen. The deep navy blue water rippled and glittered under the pale moonlight, and even reflected the beautiful starry sky. There was breeze, sparse but gentle enough to sway the trees and tickle the knights. In the distance, Arthur could make out the faint silhouette of the White Mountains, a shadow under the moonlight. The scene was breathtaking and timelessly beautiful, and it was where Merlin's tracks ended.

Gwaine tapped Arthur's shoulder and pointed out the figure of a man sitting alone on the empty beach. It was Merlin. Arthur put a finger to his lips; his knights nodded and crept closer to Merlin, still keeping to the cover of the trees. Merlin, unlike the mountains, was plainly visible with his skin made paler by the moonlight. He sat with his arms drawn around his knees and his face set in stone except for his lips which were a thin line –possibly because Merlin was biting his lips – and were trembling faintly. The cheerful persona that Arthur had presumed was his manservant was shattered like the broken tears trapped in Merlin's eyes.

A strong gale blew leaves and dirt into Arthur's eyes; he and the knights stumbled back a step before the wind died down. If there was something unnatural or strange about the wind, Arthur never had the chance to ponder it. A woman dressed in a long ruby, red gown stood behind Merlin. She had skin as pale as porcelain and slender frame to match her smaller delicate hands and thin, sinewy arms. Her back was to the knights, giving a clear view of her long, waist length curly locks of hair. She walked gracefully but in such a way that didn't startle Merlin; twigs snapped under her feet as she slid close to him.

"Merlin?" she whispered into the wind in soothing voice like the crooning of a mother's lullaby. She circled around the manservant and folded her legs beneath her. Arthur was able to make out her features even clearer now. She had a small heart shaped face, doe-like almond colored eyes with a sharp nose and naturally pinkish lips. But she was frowning and the expression didn't suit the lady's face at all. "Merlin…are you alright?"

Arthur felt a sharp elbow to his gut; he glared at Gwaine.

"Who is she?" Gwaine whispered.

Arthur's glare faltered and he found himself tongue tied. "I-I don't know." He whispered back.

"You've been with Merlin the longest. How could you not know about his lady?"

"He's my servant Gwaine! The King isn't exactly privy to servant's gossip."

"That may be sire, but Merlin is your friend. He's been at your side for nearly eight years. Wouldn't he have mentioned her at some point?" Elyan cut into the bickering.

"No… he didn't." Arthur begrudgingly admitted. So Merlin had a secret or two, Arthur couldn't deny him that. He had secrets of his own after all. But to have a lover – if that's who the lady was; Arthur couldn't understand why Merlin never mentioned her. Merlin had been aware of all of Arthur's escapades before he married Guinevere, hadn't he? He was there when Sophia, Vivian, Elena, and Mithian happened. Hell, Merlin even advised him against all those women and had steered him towards Guinevere.

Gwaine let out a low whistle. "So Merlin's got a secret lover eh? He's officially my bestest friend ever!"

"Bestest isn't a word, Gwaine." Arthur muttered irritably, his verbal tick of scornfully saying his friend's names when he was annoyed came through.

"Neither is clotpole, oh wait, yes it is. It means King Arthur." Gwaine guffawed at his own joke. Percival cuffed Gwaine's head for the king. The knights turned back to the couple on the lake.

"Merlin please…will you look at me?" The woman pleaded and gently cupped her hand around Merlin's cheek. Merlin seemed to finally realize her presence.

"Freya…"Merlin breathed his voice thick with grief. Freya, the woman's name Arthur assumed, began stroking his cheek comfortingly.

"What's wrong Merlin?" She asked softly. That was when it dawned on Arthur that this wasn't a sort of secret rendezvous for the lovers to meet. No, Merlin was grieving. Merlin was sitting all alone by a lake, some four leagues away from Camelot, grieving in solitude and for the life of him Arthur could not understand why.

This Merlin was nothing like his cheerful, cheeky-self. This Merlin looked like the utter definition of despair. He was no longer smiling, but biting his lips hard to keep from breaking. His eyes no longer sparkled with life but were clouded over and stormy looking. He no longer looked confident but slumped over in defeat. Merlin slid forward, his head buried against Freya's neck and his body went completely still.

Freya seemed just as surprised by Merlin's behavior as Arthur did; she wrapped her arms around Merlin, and her finger's wove into his unkemptly wild hair. "Oh Merlin," She whispered and held him in what Arthur could only describe as loving, protective embrace.

There was an unseen burden on Merlin's shoulders, one that Arthur and his knights couldn't see, but Freya could see it. She could sense it and seemed to be the only one at the moment to share Merlin's burdens.

Guilt started to settle in Arthur's mind and he saw that his knights were just as shifty and uncomfortable as he was. Clearly this was a private moment, but Merlin, his manservant and best friend, was falling apart right before his eyes and he'd be damned if he didn't find out why. The Knights seemed to be thinking the same thing. Merlin had grown on them. He was a close friend and trusted comrade.

The night was deadly silent, save for the sounds of rattling cicadas and the chirping of crickets, so when Freya started humming softly, the soothing sound had a calming effect in the dark of the night. Merlin pulled out of her embrace and wiped his cheeks with the back of his sleeves.

"Merlin?" The young woman whispered with concern and curiosity. From where Arthur was hidden, he couldn't see Merlin's face, but he could see him cautiously reach out to stroke Freya's cheek.

"Are you really here?" His voice was barely a whisper as he cupped her cheek. Freya leaned into his hand; the sudden warmth of her skin startled him. "Am I dead?" He asked in disbelief.

"No Merlin. You are as alive as the earth beneath us." She whispered back to him, but her eyes tightened in pain as she studied Merlin's face. Hesitantly, she asked him, "What happened to you Merlin?" Unsurprisingly, Merlin didn't respond. Freya played with Merlin's hands as she spoke to him in soft undertones.

"When we first met, you were so full of life, Merlin. Despite the danger we were in, despite the trouble we could have got in, you were always smiling." She smiled as though she were living a fond memory. "I was so scared... I was hardly kind to you, and yet you loved me. You save me Merlin, not only my life, but my heart. Before you, I never trusted anyone. I spent my life running and fighting, forgetting what it meant to be human, to show kindness and love for others. You saved that part of my heart Merlin. You were the only man to ever show me kindness. What happened to that to that man?"

"He's gone." Merlin replied emotionlessly. His fists tightened and dug into the sand, his shoulders and back were completely tense. Arthur tried to picture what Merlin's face would look like in this moment, but his mind drew blank. When had he ever seen Merlin look anything other than like a clumsy idiot? When had he ever paid attention?

"He's been buried under years of lies and betrayals." Merlin mumbled.

Freya paused. "Who've you lied to?" she asked curiously. Merlin sniffled meekly in response. "Tell me please." Freya gently probed him.

"Everyone….Arthur, Guinevere, the Knights, my mother and even Gaius…but mostly Arthur. He'd k-kill me if he knew t-the truth." Merlin choked.

_Thump, thump, thump, thump._ The rapid beating of his own heart reverberated in Arthur's mind. He didn't know what he expected to learn by following Merlin tonight, but never in his wildest dreams did he imagine this.

"I can't bare this guilt any longer Freya…nor can I just tell him the truth."

"But why can't you tell him?"

"He'd kill me!"

"You don't know that. You and Arthur have been friends for years Merlin. I think Arthur would understand if you had to lie to protect him." She reasoned calmly. But Merlin shook his head before she finished.

"You don't know him like I do. Arthur… he values trust above all else. He's been betrayed so many times Freya, and by the people he loves too…I-if he knew, if he knew what I'd done, what I've been doing since the day we've met, what I'd always continue doing for him, he'd kill me." He cried in utter defeat. Arthur's heart mimicked Merlin's tone.

It hurt that Merlin had so little faith in Arthur. Hadn't Arthur said it before? Everyone had their own secrets; surely Merlin's couldn't be so bad? Sure, he was having a romantic tryst with some unknown gorgeous beaut, that didn't mean he was committing treason. Arthur just didn't understand it. Despite the numerous revelations this night, Arthur was left with more questions than answers. It dawned on him then how little he knew about Merlin, not because Merlin had never thought to tell Arthur anything about himself, but because he had never given Merlin the chance to do so.

"Then start small." Freya replied, a small smile gracing her face. Merlin gave her a questioning look, baffled by her remark. "You don't have to tell Arthur everything at once Merlin…just tell him a little by little. And one day, when you are both ready, you tell him the whole truth."

"B-but he'll hate me…."

"You and Arthur are two sides of the same coin Merlin. A half cannot hate that which makes it whole…" Freya giggled as though she and Merlin were sharing some secret joke. Merlin groaned and buried his head in his arms, muttering curses under his breath. Freya smiled and ran her fingers through Merlin's hair. "Have some faith in him Merlin. The two of you share a bond of friendship that cannot easily be broken and if your friendship is true, Arthur will understand why you've had to lie to him."

Merlin didn't move and beads of sweat rolled down Arthur's brow. For some reason, it didn't bother Arthur that Merlin lied to him. It only hurt that Merlin thought the truth would kill him. Freya was right about something (not that weird mumbo jumbo about coins…) Merlin and Arthur_ did_ share a strong bond, the likes of which both scared and touched Arthur. Scared because of the stubborn faith and unyielding loyalty that Merlin had for him (the number of times Merlin nearly died for him spoke for itself) but also touched because Arthur knew that he could never have a friend truer than Merlin.

So obviously Arthur couldn't help but curl his fist around the pommel of his sword, and grip the hilt as though his life depended on it as he impatiently waited for Merlin's reaction. Would he take Freya's advice or would he continue lying to Arthur? Arthur truly hoped he choose the former; he didn't care if Merlin couldn't tell him the whole truth it once but it would do his pride – ahem, wounded heart—some good if Merlin would at least trust him with_ some _of his secrets.

Then Merlin slowly lifted his head, one hand moved towards Freya, and his finger wove through her dark luscious locks. He brought their heads together and softly kissed her head. "What am I going to do without you?" Merlin chuckled. Freya, who'd temporarily been frozen from Merlin's actions, smiled widely and threw her arms around the manservant, burying her head against his chest.

"There's the man I fell in love with." She giggled.

"So you still love me then," Merlin teased meekly, although he still sounded a bit somber, Merlin seemed to slowly recover. Freya didn't answer, she nodded against his chest and held him tighter as if she would never let go. "Good, because I'm taking you back to Camelot, and I'm never letting go you again."

"Merlin…" Freya pulled away blushing. Merlin laughed, actually, genuinely, laughed and muffled Freya's hair. The woman pouted in protest but laughed along with him. Arthur took this as his cue to leave. He tapped Leon and Elyan and gestured for them to follow, Percival dragging Gwaine because the man refused to "miss the action."

Moments later when the five of them were all saddled up, Arthur wistfully stared back at the beautiful lake, hoping Merlin and Freya would return to Camelot soon so that Arthur could finally learn about the true Merlin. He clicked his tongue and urged the horses into a steady canter. The knights for the most part had been silent, each lost in their own thoughts and memories of the one special manservant. Until Gwaine, of course, shattered the reminiscing silence.

"Arthur…I don't like that Merlin kept secrets from us either but…you will give him a chance to speak won't you?" Gwaine asked in an uncharacteristically serious tone.

"Of course, I'm not completely heartless, Gwaine!"

"I beg to differ…"

"Shut up, Gwaine"

"He might not get the chance to tell you anything sire," Elyan muttered darkly.

"What do you mean?" Percival asked.

"Imagine when Gwen finds out about Freya…." The knights all paused at the statement, a strange chill going down their backs. Suddenly, they felt very sympathetic for the manservant.

"Yup, Merlin is a dead man." Leon muttered mournfully.

"Does this mean I have a shot at Freya?"

"SHUT UP GWAINE!"

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**Review, review, review!**

**Kiki1770**


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